A demerit badge is bestowed upon a Burning Scout when he or she has demonstrated proficiency in a Scouting-related field. The badge is a symbol of Scout pride. It says, "Look what I have accomplished. Look what I can do. Look how dangerous I am. I am completely on edge. I am a lunatic, and should be terminated with extreme prejudice. Go on, copper -- take a shot."

The more badges a Scout earns, the more others respect and fear him. A Scout with many badges is commonly referred to as a "Badge-ass."

Some badges are more difficult to obtain than others. Some badges are actually impossible to obtain, and exist only to amuse certain Gods should they choose to manifest themselves on the physical plane.

On the following pages you will find pictures of the 28 available demerit badges, along with requirements for obtaining each. To earn a badge, a Scout must either follow the badge requirements to the letter, or else offer the Scoutmaster a whole bunch of food, weed, liquor, porn and toys.
  ACID
Ingest at least one tab of lysergic acid diethylamide, or a commensurate amount of the substance in liquid form. Then, in the presence of a Scoutmaster, select any two of the following:
1. Proclaim yourself Jesus. 2. Describe the smell of color.
  BAD POETRY
1. Improvise and recite a bad poem.
2. If it is intended to rhyme, incorporate the word “orange.”
3. Annoy the Scoutmaster terribly.
  BIG-ASSED FIRE
From source to tip of highest flame, the standard big-assed fire will measure at least 20 cubic asses in heighth . Construct a big-assed fire of this size using one or more of the following as fuel:
1. Wood 2. Propane or other ignitable gas. 3. Alcohol or other ignitable liquid.
4. Your own large-scale artwork. 5. Your own body.
  BRAGGART
1. Provide evidence of a previous year's experience at Burning Man.
2. Begin a sentence with the phrase, “Burning Man was better when...”
3. Tell us how this theme camp would have been better if you had done it.
  CITIZENSHIP
(yawn)
  DISCIPLINE
Burden yourself with enough sin that you are in dire need of severe discipline. Then:
1. Go to the Temple of Atonement, just north of Burning Scout HQ.
Be sure to tell 'em the Scouts sentcha!
2. Receive your punishment.
3. Present your stamped flesh to the Scoutmaster.
  ECSTASY
Ingest not less than 100 milligrams of MDMA. Then, in the presence of the Scoutmaster:
1. Touch everything.
2. Groove in place.
3. Say you love the Scoutmaster, you really do, and you never tell the Scoutmaster enough, but it's true, the Scoutmaster is just a really amazing person.
  FILTH
1. Don't shower
2. Don't shave.
3. Don't brush your teeth.
4. Don't come near us.
  FRESHLY SHAVED
- Show the Scoutmaster a freshly shaved patch of of your skin.
- If you have none, shave a patch of your skin in the presence of the Scoutmaster.
- Feel the burn.
  FUCKO
Be a resident of the community of Gigsville.
  FUZZY
Select one of the following:
1. Be fuzzy.
2. Be fuzzy.
3. Be Fuzzy.
  GLITTER
1. Sparkle.
2. Shimmer.
3. Shine.
If you possess none of the above qualities, seek them out.
  HOMOSEXUALITY
Select three of the following:
1. Describe a Scouting-related homoerotic experience.
2. What do you think of his/her ass?
3. Submit to your Scoutmaster's “gaydar test.”
4. Neck like you mean it with a member of your own gender. Make it count.
  LAP-DANCING
1. Demonstrate, to the Scoutmaster's satisfaction, a lap-dance.
2. The Scoutmaster may not touch you. But you are strongly encouraged to
touch the Scoutmaster.
3. Bring a friend. We've got lots of these badges.
  LARRY
Be Larry Harvey.
  MASSAGE
Provide your Scoutmaster with a relaxing massage of not less than five minutes during which he or she moans softly at least three (3) times.
  MUSHROOMS
Ingest enough “magic” mushrooms to achieve a hallucinogenic state. Then, in the presence of the Scoutmaster, select two of the following:
1. Provide a method by which mushrooms can be ingested, but not tasted.
2. Draw or describe your spirit guide or animal familiar.
3. Give the Scoutmaster mushrooms.
  NITROUS
Inhale one or more balloons full of dentist-grade nitrous oxide gas, until the universe expands. Then, in the presence of your Scoutmaster:
1. Fall down. 2. Get up. 3. Fall down again.
Laughter -- both the Scoutmaster's and your own -- should be hearty and continuous throughout.
  PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE
Build and demonstrate the operation of a perpetual motion machine.
  PIE
1. Present the Scoutmaster with pie. Pop Tarts don't count.
2. Go ahead, take a piece for yourself.
3. Eat it quietly. Enjoy it!
4. Mmmm...pie.
  POT
Inhale or ingest an amount of cannabis sativa plant sufficient to render you intoxicated. Then, in the presence of your Scoutmaster:
1. Smoke some more.
2. Eat an entire candy bar in under 30 seconds.
3. Lose train of thought, or smoke out the Scoutmaster so that she loses hers.
  THE PURPLE CIRCLE
The Purple Circle badge is awarded to those who show exceptional skill in sustaining injury and enduring pain.
1. Present to the Scoutmaster a fresh bruise, cut, or otherwise wound.
2. Let the Scoutmaster poke it with a stick.
3. Wince, and remember: injuries are achievements!
  SMART-ASS
Respond to each of the following questions with especially pointed wit or sarcasm:
1. “What are you, high?”
2. “Hot enough for ya?”
3. “Are you having fun?”
  TEASE
This badge is awarded to flirts. Select one or more of the following:
1. Make a date with your Scoutmaster. Don't keep it.
(leave your camp address so we may messenger you your badge)
2. Stop at second base.
3. Let the Scoutmaster buy you another drink.
  SUCH A TEASE
For incurable flirts.
1. Stop at third base.
  TONGUESPORTS
Select one or more of the following:
1. Demonstrate for the Scoutmaster an unusual tongue skill.
2. Put your tongue someplace where tongues do not typically go.
3. Participate in the Club Seal beaver-eating contest. It's just what you think it is.
  TRIP MANAGEMENT
For those who demonstrate proficiency in helping others get the most out of their playa drug experience. Correctly answer the following questions:
1. Is it 5htp first and Prozac after? Or is it 5htp before and after, and then Prozac? Or is it only 5htp after, or...wait... 2. Beer before liquor, or liquor before beer? 3. Should you ever look in the mirror? 4. How long before this brownie starts working? 5. Define a “safe setting.” 6. Can I do this two nights in a row?
  UNFOCUSED RAGE
Select one or more of the following.
1. Be Shaft.
2. Mumble, grit teeth, clench fists, shuffle.
3. Deliver a rant of no less than two minutes in duration in which you rail against “all the bastards” who caused “this stinking mess.” Detail what you'll do to “them” once you “get your hands on them.”

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